WOULD YOU RATHER WEDNESDAY

24 Sep

Would you rather travel to the future or to the past? 

 

Legend-

Despite being a disco child, I’m still choosing to travel to the future here. I’m gonna pass on the acres of pube bush and rare premarital sex that the past has to offer. I would contend that the future is where the greatest days of sexual liberation lie for humans. Cyborg sluts eager to multitask you to orgasm, with human lips of flesh and robotic persistence, rhythm, and mechanics that will ultimately send our species into perpetual sexual nirvana. Automated prostate ticklers with artificial intelligence will be abundant, putting the most chronic insomniacs into blissful hibernation. WHAT A FUCKIN LIFE.

The ease of travel also has me quite excited. I’d love to take a 15 minute underground monorail from the east coast to Vegas to play a few hands of blackjack on my lunch break. Favorite sports team on the road this week? Fuck it, pay a few extra bitcoins and take a quick space shuttle over there. Grandma baking cookies? You could be there in 5 minutes.

Also, think of the advancements in health and medicine. Things that ruin lives now will be laughable in the future. Getting rid of cancer will be as easy as taking out the trash. People’s lives are wasted worrying about their health and bodies but that won’t be an issue anymore.

“Hey Doc, I lost my leg in a car accident. Can you help me?”

“Sure, take this pill and your leg will grow back in 30 minutes. Also, would you like robot anal on the way out of here?”

So have fun playing in the bushes scross. I’ll have a big fat smile on my face living in a futuristic world filled with possibility, ingenuity, and bliss.

fembot

 

scross-

In the future, shit would be so different you’d be like Brendan Fraser in Encino Man. Just a bumbling caveman walking around, clueless as to the way the world works, socially awkward as fuck. You’d probably have to go back to some type of school just to learn all the new shit they do and have discovered. No thanks.

I’ll take traveling back in time because then you’d be unique in a good way and people would love you. You’d be exotic and seem so overwhelmingly smart to the people of that time. If you travelled to the future, you’d just seem old-fashioned, dumb, and boring. I could literally run the world in the past or, preferably, sit back and occasionally drop some fire idea that changes life on Earth as the human race knows it. No big deal. Oh, another Nobel Prize? Thanks world, appreciate it.

And what is this notion that sex wasn’t as common in the past? People have always loved having sex. Notice all the old people around town these days? They were all made from sex a long time ago. Have you ever heard of free love in the 60s? Have you ever seen Game of Thrones? Sex all the time. And the best part about it? It’s sex with a human being. All this talk about robotics and mechanics mixing with prostrates? Sounds very scary and painful to me. I’ll pass.

encino man

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