5 Sep


I just learned that Fox News Co-host, and aging former reality show loser, Elizabeth Hasselbeck has a net worth of more than 12 million dollars.  That is both shocking and disappointing.  What scumbags you are, Hasselbeck fans, allowing someone like her to rise to fame, fortune and power.

I’d bet most non-fans would love to empty a wad of sack-sauce on this rambling turkey, right?  Well we can’t, and we have you to blame, Hasselbeck fans.  She’ll never be that 9-5 stress donkey that we so desire her to be, the one that drowns her misery with drink and Nutella and welcomes uncommitted penis in droves on the weekends.  Instead, she’s famous!  Our backwards society has elevated her to a level where only NFL quarterbacks are worthy of the plunder.  How could we?!

Somehow, she commands attention on our TV screens. She wails like a distressed dolphin as she delivers her conservative rants – so annoying, misguided,  and misinformed yet she ascends.

As her fans elevate her, we all fall and society creeps dangerously closer toward the abyss of moral decay and unspeakable depravity.



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