WOULD YOU RATHER WEDNESDAY

6 Aug

Would you rather find out your son is gay or your wife is a lesbian?

gay son 2 lesbo wife

Legend –

I’m taking the gay son here all day.  This is an easy WYR in my opinion.  It’s 2014, being gay is the shit.  Not only is there absolutely nothing wrong with having a gay son, but it’s actually a staple of being a great father.  If your son is comfortable enough to come out of the closet and still have a great relationship with you, you come out smelling like roses.  A progressive renaissance man indeed.

As a man with several gay friends, I can attest to the great amount of value they can add to a straight man’s life.  Gay men know women better than anyone.  Thus, they can provide straight men, who know zilch about how a woman thinks, with valuable tips on what to say, what to wear, what to do.  This is gold.  Straight men will never understand women.  Gay men have all the answers.  Infinite value.  Imagine having a son around that could tell you exactly what to wear, how to decorate the house, what kind of car to drive.  This sure beats a straight son who is probably jerking off to porn all day and trying to steal your booze.

Also, the contrary option in this WYR is horrible.  Your wife turns out to be a lesbian.  Do you know how awful that is for your reputation once word gets around town?  You are solidly framed as a small-pricked loser who can’t satisfy his wife’s needs.  No thanks.  Give me the poof son and we’ll have a blast going on shopping sprees, all the while I use his spot-on tips to pick up ass… as long as he doesn’t tell Mommy!

 

scross-

No disrespect to all the gay kids out there — they’re great — I just frankly don’t want one.  Too much prejudice these days, too many bullies.  I want a kid that plays sports and doesn’t give a fuck about fashion or his hygiene.  Not that a gay kid can’t do these things…they just tend not to.  I want to watch ESPN with him, not Bravo.

In all honesty though, both choices would be wonderful.  Gay kids are hilarious, I just think a lesbian wife would be the better of the two.  Everybody knows that sex is pretty awesome and that, unfortunately, it becomes a chore when you’re married.  Having a lesbian wife that isn’t even sexually attracted to you could avoid heaps of frustration and actually result in a healthier sex life.  Keep the sex extra-marital, exclusively outside the household.  I sleep around, she sleeps around, then we come home and bond over the human being we created out of thin air.  You can still love the shit out of your kid and it’s not like they need to know whether or not their parents are boning each other.  That’s completely irrelevant to the healthy upbringing of a child.  The more I think about it, the more excited I get.  It opens the door to all kinds of scenarios. Watching your wife with other chicks, filming it, potential threesomes,  etc. etc.  This could be the wave of the future.  I’m campaigning hard for Straight Husband/Lesbian Wife ’16.

 

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