24 Jul

NEW JERSEY (PIX11) Something big is slithering around Lake Hopatcong in New Jersey.

According to wildlife expert Gerald Andrejcak, it’s an anaconda. He saw it in the lake last week and estimated it is between 13 and 16 feet long. He believes someone who couldn’t care for it dumped it in the lake.

And while it’s the talk of Lake Hopatcong, Andrejcakj told PIX11 people do not need to be alarmed.

“These things are not man-eaters. They are not man-killers. They are not going to hunt human beings to satisfy their hunger. They want to be left alone. Just like we do,” Andrejcak said.



No!!!!!!  This story has shook my core.  I don’t know what’s what and who I can trust anymore.  As crazy and fucked up as the world can be, lakes were always the sanctuary for peace and serenity.  A place where one could go and easily be reminded of the true state of the human spirt, free flowing happiness.  However, this story has me questioning all of my moral beliefs.  If my ever so precious lakes aren’t protected by some higher power, why am I adhering to all these bullshit unwritten moral rules in life because it’s “the right thing to do.”  When this anaconda was spotted in the lake right and wrong went out the window.  The playbook for how to act and behave in this world that was handed down to me has been lit on fire.

Next time I see my grandmother I’m telling her to “eat shit” for judging me all these years.   I’m now going to aggressively pursue sex with all of my good friend’s sisters.  I’m getting hammered at every wedding and public event I’m invited to.  Also, I refuse to feel any guilt or remorse when I masturbate while looking through binoculars at MILFs jogging in yoga pants.

Also, “don’t be alarmed??”  Anyone in their right mind is alarmed and will not be swimming or participating in any water sports in that wretched and cursed lake.  Fuck New Jersey.

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